Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in onceuponapriori's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, June 16th, 2004
4:36 pm	Mutli-Dimensional Universes Read Flatland. It's $1.50 new from amazon.com. It is narrated by A Square, who is -- incidentally -- a square, from Flatland, a world of only two spatial dimensions. This thin, pocket-sized novel will tickle your mathematical fancy and paint wondrous pictures for your mind's eye. The author artfully employs an array of analogies and metaphors to assist the reader in understanding the concepts of multi-spatial dimensionality. Mr Square is a two-dimensional being who is chosen by an entity in Spaceland (a world of three dimensions) to learn about a three-dimensional world. As Mr Square notices, the same methods he used to understand 3-dimensional space when living in a 2-dimensional world, can be used to conceptually leap from a 3-dimensional world to a 4-dimensional world (or, in principle, from an n-dimensional world to an n+1-dimensional world). While the book was originally published in 1880, it possesses a certain timeless quality, reminiscent of Through the Looking Glass (or, Alice in Wonderland). Certainly, I could not have detected its age from the prose alone. Flatland is especially relevant and useful today if one wishes to understand modern physical and cosmological theory, eg: Super-String Theory, M-Theory, etc. Nearly all theorist's recent attempts at a 'Unified Theory' or 'Theory of Everything' employ the mathematical (and, arguably, metaphysical) concepts of multi-spatial dimensionality. [It's not amazing or anything, but it's well worth the effort for the fanciful descriptions of Flatland alone. Then you get to understand modern physics a bit easier, too. Anyways, it's a buck-fittee, brand-spankin' new. So order it now.] Why the fuck am I writing book reviews? Current Mood: dorky Current Music: NIN - The Fragile - The Fragile (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 26th, 2004
7:50 pm	She When all has rusted or turned to dust, you and i still stand; hand in hand, staring down Time's misty corridor. Waiting for everything and for nothing; I peer into your brilliant, dark eyes, knowing I need only, what I have already. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, May 17th, 2004
11:02 am	Birthday Resolutions 1. Become more empathetic, patient and creative in handling my relationships; esp. problems that arise therein. My quantatative lack of empathy and sensitivity, despite my efforts to ensure otherwise, often creates negativity in my life and in the lives of those around me. I must learn to consciously search the souls of those for whom I care to discover any negative emotions that I might be able to help them overcome. This is especially important if I am the cause, even proximately or indirectly, of the sour feelings ("A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" - author of Proverbs 15:1). 2. Become more physically and emotionally fit. I will continue in strict adherence to my light exercise and 'dieting' regime as I steadily prepare myself to begin Hapkido once more. I will start by attending a class to memorize the purely exercise-oriented portion of the training session... Hapkido forces me to become fit by pushing my body to its absolute limit. The side effects are numerous; I enjoy greater patience, increased energy and confidence, the ability to defend myself and others whom deserve protection, and, perhaps most importantly (and even summarily) a generally more positive outlook on life. 3. Become more financially stable. I must monitor my finances more closely to determine the problem areas which consume the majority of my money; esp. those areas which leave me with little to show for my dollars spent. Soon, I will finish filing all of my back taxes, collect any refunds, and start rebuilding my savings after paying down my debts. 4. Become a better software engineer. Not only will this alleviate stress by increasing my perceived level of job security, it will also increase my value as an employee (at Epixtar and elsewhere). Desirable side effects include an increase in confidence, creativity and problem-solving skills. 5. Continue to challenge myself intellectually. I must remember not to shy away from questions and concerns that bring internal strife to my life. These conundrums must be dealt with persistently and honestly. The epistemically solid foundation that answering a personally relevant and bothersome philosophical question provides is well worth the self-doubt and grueling mental labour that it often accompanies. I must not allow the darker problems to lay festering in their shadows; they must be exposed to the candle of truth, however ugly they may appear once visible. 6. GWS. 7. Learn to manage my time more efficiently. I often find myself unhappy with the manner in which I spent my time away from work. I must prioritize my values rationally and ensure that a proper amount of time is spent with each object I value. Some concrete applications of this may include spending more time with: the friends that I'm fortunate enough to still have, the girl that owns my heart and fills its deepest, most painful holes and cracks with soothing warmth, the family that has helped me to grow, and on actualizing the items listed above and below, as well as any not listed. Surely I could have and should have enumerated more. But these immediately came to mind. I confess them publicly (to all 0.65 of my readers ;-]) in the hope that it will serve as further encouragement to actually begin working on all of my resolutions as soon as is possible. i've become impossible holding on to when when everything seemed to matter more the two of us all used and beaten up watching fate as it flows down the path we have chose you and me we're in this together now none of them can stop us now we will make it through somehow [...] you and me even after everything you're the queen and i'm the king nothing else means anything Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: js bach - musical offering [without a fucking harpsichord!] (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, April 30th, 2004
11:24 am	Lost A tall, thin figure, wrapped in shadows standing at the door. His bony hands open it just enough for his lithe body to slither inside. The light brightly emanating from his tattered soul bites back at the Shadows enshrouding him. Just inside, an Angel looks at the shining Demigod confusedly. After a few moments, her calm countenance turns to shock, then to a bright white smile. Her pure ivory wings flutter involuntarily, blowing a soothing breeze against the rest of the room's inhabitants. The Angel floats slowly towards the Demigod. "I knew you'd be coming! But I expected you to be darker, your light extinguished by the Shadows we all have". An almost serpentine bit of laughter follows her exclamation, the Demigod throwing back his perfect face in merriment. Just then, a Pixie, pointed ears, cute as a Cherub and surrounded by a whirling swirl of silver translucent stars skips over to embrace him. "So soon, my Dear? This doesn't make any sense, because... because well... You can't die. Remember, Master P[rophet]? Even he said it couldn't happen." The Demigod shrugs, snickers again and returns the embrace, looking about the room. It's furnishing was odd, to say the least. Sure, it served as a fine living room, with one long Love Seat and a giant holographic screen positioned about five feet from it. But it was the four corners that managed to make him gasp -- barring his perfect teeth for the final occupant in the room to see. Sitting in one corner, a classically handsome, slick but Ragtag Musician sat plunking away at a tall jazz bass. The tune was a little funky, but soothing and uplifting the same. His hair was sticking out in random directions, his dark, black eyebrows pushed upwards. Behind him lay such a massive stock of masterly crafter, glowing instruments, it was a shock they fit inside the small and intimate room. "Hey!", the Musician exclaimed. "Glad you made it, I thought you were going to be here a little sooner, so I had them arrange your corner already". With that, he gestured to the second corner of the room. A mass of wires, jacks, monitors and keyboards all connected to a fuzzy grey cloud. A perfect chair to accommodate the Demigods long, skinny body positioned in front of a 3D monitor was already on, displaying a long line of PHP code. But this was no ordinary code; it seemed almost... alive. As the Demigod sat down and leaned back against the seat closest to the monitor, he began to Think the code about. As he thought, the code followed his directions with Heavenly precision, forcing an if here, a isNaN() there. In mere seconds, he had constructed a new operating system for himself, and he began to compose another program. In less than an instant it was complete, and he called the Pixie over to see it. She looked, smiling, at an interface that let her paint with her mind. Soon, a perfect picture of the Four who sat in the room, surrounded by nearly a hundred more people was staring back at them. They all recognized the various faces in the painting -- people that they all know and Love. The Angel paid special attention to the thin but muscular hispanic boy who's eyed virtually screamed to her "My heart still belongs to you". The Pixie scampered back to her corner of the room, where millions, of paintings of her many Earthly and Heavenly friends hung complete. She gestured to an oil of the Demigod that looked a bit different than he did now. The Shadow was thicker about him, and his perfect nose was not so straight. She quickly unrolled a new canvas, and a moment later tore down the old picture, cast it aside and pasted her new Creation on the wall. She turned to him and smiled, the silver stars whirling ever faster about her. The tempo of the Ragtag Musician's music seemed to match the speed of the swirling stars as the Pixie and the Demigod embraced again. The Angel stared at them, and smiled -- a smile revealing her happiness for them and hiding the knowledge that the boy from the picture would soon be hers to similarly embrace. After a while, the music and the stars slowed down. The Shadows around the Demigod grew ever lighter and the Four reclined upon the Love Seat, resting for a while, and sharing the Euphoria of Each Other's radiant souls... Current Mood: content (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 28th, 2004
5:35 pm	I lost another finger... My knuclkes are white, my palms gashed and bruised from holding on so tightly. The tide is just too strong.I have managed to clutch this jutting rock for a few more moments. But each time one of my fingers finally snaps, severs and tears loose, I slide down further, and the torrent of dark water feels ever stronger. I can feel it creeping even now, slowly upwards, as I slide always, slowly downwards. I'm not hoping to being dragged beneath, but I _know_ I will be. (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 22nd, 2004
3:43 pm	sick sick of insinuations sick of worry sick of constant unintened attacks upon my integrity i am certainly no angel, but I strive to do what is good: that which is ethical and all that is moral. surely, I fail -- we all do. But I am sick of being peigeonholed as a Junkie; a timebomb ready to explode. I child, who if left alone with a needle, belt and a bundle of heron, would trade his precious life for a few hours of pleasure. i understand that the worry is based on a reasonable evidentary foundation. that most users relapse. that certain signs at certain times in my life might indicate a return to usage, or at least to a nihilistic mindset. i understand that one must care about you before they're concerned for you, and i appreciate more than i can express the love, care and concern that is the basis of nearly every insituation. but i do not appreciate the hypocrisy. and i do not appreciate the insinuated attacks; the inexorable connotations involved with every mini-intervention i'm exposed to on a nearly daily basis. in my mind, there are no needles. there are no belts and heron is the Devil's cum. I don't know about you, but I'm slighty adverse to having the Devil excitedly pumping his cum into any of my orifices, whether that orifice was created by me or my Creator. but i love that i am loved and i think there can be no way around this. junkies, by definition lie. so why should i be believed. jared the timeless junkie (Comment on this)
10:52 am	purpose? ubiquitous, impotent but unrelenting - the eternal search for truth always just beyond the horizon... an almost futile spark in a virtual sea of black - reason! the sword that cuts both ways revealing emptiness, vacancy the specter of teleology fades away with one final dying cry... our purpose clothed in mystery the shroud of deepest black trembling, we walk through the night the immutability of truth the bulwark of our minds, we are no longer lame... our sight has been returned but what is left to perceive (Comment on this)
10:50 am	deeper do you know how far this has gone? just how damaged have I become? when I think I can overcome it runs even deeper everything that matters is gone all the hands of hope have withdrawn could you try to help me hang on? (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 13th, 2004
1:12 pm	Chix with Clicks //... Luca.can_code = true; if(Luca.can_code) { Jared.AddRelation(Luca,new Array(Eros,Philos)); Jared.Relation[Luca].Eros+=5; Jared.Relation[Luca].Philos++; } //... aren't I just so damn interesting (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, March 26th, 2004
9:32 am	dead and kicking sometimes i wonder where all of it went. obfuscated permanently or broken terminally, it is gone. neither path leads to succor. the one tiny candle admist the rising tide of confusion is snuffed by what Seems like laughter. Or is it the echo of a scream. at least i know, i am not alone. Current Mood: amused (2 Comments |Comment on this)